He's back, and he's got his Barries confused
Eddie returned in some considerable distress, scrambling over the fence. "I need to sit down,' he said, a dear friend of mine has died.'
'Oh goodness,' I say, 'who was it?'
'It was Barry Cryer,' said Eddie. 'I feel absolutely bereft. He was just always there, cackling and dispensing anecdotes. You could phone him at any hour of the day or night and he'd regale you with his memories of Charlie Carioili, whoever he is. I don't think he actually ever knew himself.'
I tell Eddie he is wrong, and Google Barry Cryer, at the time of writing is very much alive.
'Bah,' he says, pushing my tablet aside in disbelief. 'That's just some writing on a screen. It's no evidence of anything. Poor Barry, I don't know how the world of entertainment is supposed to go on without him. He writes everything, you know, even the news. Question Time, it's all him. No one actually knows how to be spontaneous. And the after-dinner speaking! I don't know about you, but I can't eat anything at all unless I know that Barry Cryer is going to say a few words afterwards.'
'But he is alive,' I tell him. 'This BBC news site made a mistake, it was actually Barry Norman who died.'
'That is utter nonsense and I can prove it,' says Eddie. He whistles into the garden of the old people's home. 'Barry! Barry!'
A familiar white haired, gravel-voiced old man shimmies up over the fence. I simply cannot believe it.
'Barry,' says Eddie, 'explain to this housewife how you died but the BBC mistakenly told everyone that Barry Norman had.'
'Yes, I'm absolutely livid about it,' says Barry. 'I was looking forward to appearing in all the TV tributes to myself and dusting off my best anecdotes about what I was like to work with, and now Barry Norman is going to get all that work. This is going to completely ruin the all-dead episode of I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue we were going to do. Did I ever tell you about the time Humph was double booked for his own funeral and we had to bury Tim instead? well...'
I ask Eddie what he thinks about the BBC's commitment to put extra funding into children's programmes, particularly online-only content. 'Oh I'm all for it,' said Eddie. 'Children's programmes are the only ones that matter. Don't worry about adult programmes, adults have made up their minds about everything. They know what they want to see and just want to see a constant variation on that.. Now explain to me what the internet is again.'
'Oh goodness,' I say, 'who was it?'
'It was Barry Cryer,' said Eddie. 'I feel absolutely bereft. He was just always there, cackling and dispensing anecdotes. You could phone him at any hour of the day or night and he'd regale you with his memories of Charlie Carioili, whoever he is. I don't think he actually ever knew himself.'
I tell Eddie he is wrong, and Google Barry Cryer, at the time of writing is very much alive.
'Bah,' he says, pushing my tablet aside in disbelief. 'That's just some writing on a screen. It's no evidence of anything. Poor Barry, I don't know how the world of entertainment is supposed to go on without him. He writes everything, you know, even the news. Question Time, it's all him. No one actually knows how to be spontaneous. And the after-dinner speaking! I don't know about you, but I can't eat anything at all unless I know that Barry Cryer is going to say a few words afterwards.'
'But he is alive,' I tell him. 'This BBC news site made a mistake, it was actually Barry Norman who died.'
'That is utter nonsense and I can prove it,' says Eddie. He whistles into the garden of the old people's home. 'Barry! Barry!'
A familiar white haired, gravel-voiced old man shimmies up over the fence. I simply cannot believe it.
'Barry,' says Eddie, 'explain to this housewife how you died but the BBC mistakenly told everyone that Barry Norman had.'
'Yes, I'm absolutely livid about it,' says Barry. 'I was looking forward to appearing in all the TV tributes to myself and dusting off my best anecdotes about what I was like to work with, and now Barry Norman is going to get all that work. This is going to completely ruin the all-dead episode of I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue we were going to do. Did I ever tell you about the time Humph was double booked for his own funeral and we had to bury Tim instead? well...'
I ask Eddie what he thinks about the BBC's commitment to put extra funding into children's programmes, particularly online-only content. 'Oh I'm all for it,' said Eddie. 'Children's programmes are the only ones that matter. Don't worry about adult programmes, adults have made up their minds about everything. They know what they want to see and just want to see a constant variation on that.. Now explain to me what the internet is again.'
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